Sometimes I think there really is something wrong with me. When I hear people talk about their friends and their boyfriends/girlfriends I really think I’m fucked up. Is something wrong with me? I can’t make any kind of connection with anyone. Guys don’t notice me, I can’t make friends, I can’t talk to people I’ve known for years. There has to be something wrong.
My mind goes completely blank in social situations. I don’t know what to say to people, I have nothing of interest to say. All I can think is ‘What is the point?’. Why talk to people? Nobody cares what you have to say.
I don’t know why I push people away. I just feel mentally dead. It’s like I’m not here, I’m just going through the motions. And that’s why killing myself wouldn’t be a bad thing, I’m not here, I haven’t been here for a long time. There isn’t anything left of me, just this ugly stupid thing. I’d just be killing my body, mentally I’m already dead.