Sometimes I think there really is something wrong with me. When I hear people talk about their friends and their boyfriends/girlfriends I really think I’m fucked up. Is something wrong with me? I can’t make any kind of connection with anyone. Guys don’t notice me, I can’t make friends, I can’t talk to people I’ve known for years. There has to be something wrong. 

My mind goes completely blank in social situations. I don’t know what to say to people, I have nothing of interest to say. All I can think is ‘What is the point?’. Why talk to people? Nobody cares what you have to say.

I don’t know why I push people away. I just feel mentally dead. It’s like I’m not here, I’m just going through the motions. And that’s why killing myself wouldn’t be a bad thing, I’m not here, I haven’t been here for a long time. There isn’t anything left of me, just this ugly stupid thing. I’d just be killing my body, mentally I’m already dead.

I can understand why I don’t have friends. I’m so awkward it’s painful.  Seriously, if you have the misfortune to be in a conversation with me, you have permission to repeatedly kick me in the face.

It’s getting hard to be surrounded by people who have friends and can actually talk to people. I don’t know why it’s started to get to me so much, it’s just everyone in my year have people they’ve been friends with for years and it’s a reminder that I have no one. I sit by myself everyday and nobody even looks at me. 

That’s for the best though, I need to start pushing people away. That’s why I’m thinking about deleting my tumblr. I don’t really want to but the less people involved the easier it will be to leave.

I’ll always be the stupid, ugly, fat and scarred girl that nobody could ever love.